dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
