I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am naked and annoyed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
