And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
