I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
