these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
where does the pee come out of this thing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
