I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
