So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
