Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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