My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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