I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
