The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
