they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you would pick up someone in the library
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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