cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
