I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
