Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
