none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
