you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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