guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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