I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
