Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
