I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize