the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
