Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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