sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
