worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you win again, gameday.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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