I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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