You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
