i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
