Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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