So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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