Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
