thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
