It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
