Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize