Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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