A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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