Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
