Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
