SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
