Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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