Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
