I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
