the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
