she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
