i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
