Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
