Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
