when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
