just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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