so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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