He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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