there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
