Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
