Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
