my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So many bounce houses so little time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize