I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize