never play flip cup with pint glasses
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
