it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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