Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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