I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
