Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this must be what syphilis tastes like
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
