Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
