I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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