He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
