We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
