I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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