I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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