quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize