Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
