She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize