When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
