Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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