Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
