you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
