i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize