Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Help. Why am I so naked?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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