you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize