yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
