those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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